This is the first time I’ve posted anything in at least 6 months.  I’ve been in the confusing and painful process of aligning my body self with my soul self.  My soul lives on a beautiful planet that is FAR different than this one.  FRIENDSHIP is the foundation of this planet.  Equality and respect are underlying components.  I have long known and felt that absolutely no one at all on the earth loves me—now or ever.  In order to be loved on the earth, a person has to compromise and be less than they really are.  They have to hide parts of themselves and learn how to fit in.  There is always the two sides of the coin–dominance and oppression.  If a person looks close enough, it is somewhere hidden in pretty much every situation.  And it is complex, with far reaching tentacles.  Someone told me that I was very complex and very hard to understand.  WRONG!!  I am SIMPLE.  I have seen and felt at the deepest levels of my being and in every part of me the pain that earth life causes.  I am a beautiful nature-loving, tree hugging, musical, deep thinking, loving person.  EVERYONE in my life has only wanted me for what they can get out of me—-mostly money or sex, sometimes sex being emotional sex.  When I protest and insist that I be loved for the beautiful person that I am first and foremost and then we build a world on that foundation, EVERYONE has spit in my face and walked out the door with their noses in the air.  If they can’t get what they want first and then shun me in between times, they want nothing at all.  This includes all of my family of origin and my two sons.  It’s pretty amazing to see.  But since I have fully seen the beauty of the real me, I have learned to value me, even if it means being alone.  Of course, this is not what I want.  I don’t know what is going to happen to me, but I do know that I will remain alone until I can begin to build a world based on what is real.  I am so fortunate that I have a darling and not expensive little house in the middle of the city, yet in the woods with tons of wild animals, and I have a fantastic piano/voice student clientele of both children and adults.  I keep myself occupied with meditation, outdoor activities like biking, movies, books, etc.  Of course, my deepest desire is to help build a world that is based on friendship, respect, equality—the exact opposite of this world.  Is it possible that building it inside me first will make a difference to everyone.  My songs that were given to me from my deepest inner self say that, but it is difficult for my body self to comprehend.