Today I feel as if I’m making my final surrender to my own aloneness.  The stray cells that have been left on the earth as I’ve made this difficult climb to my own self have been brought back to me.  I have absolved everyone of all responsibility.  I have wished and searched and gone for anything that looked vaguely similar to love on the earth, but I fully realize now that there is no love for me out there.  I am not in any way saying this to feel sorry for myself.  I have spent a lifetime testing, and EVERY TIME it lands in the same place.  I am pushed out.  No one wants what I have to give and no one wants me in their lives.  Of course my students definitely want what I have to offer them and pay me money for my services.  But outside of that I am excluded and pushed out.  All the fight that was left in me to be a valued member of earth society has surrendered and given up.  I remain alone in my land of beauty and love until whatever may happen.